Being family oriented can it be dangerous to your own health?
First let us look at being family oriented. Yes, your family is important to you especially if there are children involved. Being there as an anchor can help shape the future of the relationships you and your family will have. What is taught and learned in a family structure is guaranteed to stay with you and the family for the rest of your lives.
Family oriented meaning pertains to the type of person you are. When being family oriented your focus is on your family and real close friends. This is a giving personality trait. We all know that one neighbor who does everything with their family. They vacation, celebrate and are around each other all the time. If this is one of your goals, please learn how to be the awesome family-oriented person.
An example of what has been taught onside my family. I learned at a young age how not to argue. When my parents got into a fight, they would go for the win instead of resolving the issue. They would bounce all over the place on the topic and before you know it the reason why they were arguing had nothing to due with the topic they disagreed on in the first place.
That is not the way to argue. The object is to stay on course, listen carefully to what started the argument and find a way to resolve the argument without going for the jugular. If you have a set of ground rules for any argument, you can come out with the issue ready to be resolved and there is no aftermath of hurt feelings and avoidance.
Also, part of being family oriented are the vibes that can easily be picked up on. If you are in a relaxed vibe the people around, you will feel that vibe and more than likely go into a relaxed vibe as well. If there is tension in the air trust me the people around you will feel the tension, they too will fall into a tense state.
Children are like sponges, and they absorb your vibes without any conversation. If there is always a tense and stressful vibe around you, your children will pick up on that vibe and will always be in a stressful state. They will look for triggers to the stress and try to avoid situations because of the vibe.
An example, your neighbor always hits your garbage cans when they pull into their driveway. This drives you as the head of the house crazy. This angers you and puts you in a stressful state. Now that the children have witnessed the stress every time they see the garbage cans out for pickup they will be waiting for you to flip out. This will be a stressful situation for them.
How can being family oriented be dangerous for your own health?
If you live in the eyes of someone else even an entire family you forget to tend to your own needs. They always say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. This isn’t true, the grass is greener where you tend to it. It’s a hard task to be family oriented, take care of your family when you are not taking care of yourself.
It is that time to tend to yourself first. If your house isn’t in order personally then you have no business tending to another house The act of being family oriented when you are, taking care of everyone else’s needs when your needs aren’t met will lead to both houses crumbling.
In no way am I saying you can’t be family oriented. I am saying make sure you are in the right state to take care of everyone else. You must be on top of your game, your needs must be met and your love has to be unconditional.
Unconditional love is a concept not many people can comprehend. Here is a way to think about unconditional love with yourself. Say you need to lose weight. You will say to yourself I would love it if I can lose 15 pounds. When in fact the statement should be I love myself now and with that love I will be healthier and lose the weight. There are no conditions on the weight loss goal. I will still love myself if I only lose 10 pounds. You must love your family the same way, unconditionally.
Getting your house in order.
I suggest having a regular weekly therapy session. No not because you are crazy or that there is anything wrong. You need guidance on how to deal with all the situations that may arise. I like to call it having a life coach. Your life coach will help you become a better you. They will guide you through all the difficult and amazing times you may experience.
With the right life coach, you will have the tools you need to keep yourself on track and be better at being family oriented. All the weight that will be on your shoulders from everyone else’s problem should not be carried for long periods of time. Having a coach to lift the weight off your shoulders is a great way to get into a positive vibe.
I use my therapist to discuss how to handle the different situations I have faced during my week. I discuss my relationships, my reactions to problems and the thoughts I have had during the week. After the coaching session I now have a guideline on which to work on and think about. Maybe my reaction to a problem was too harsh I need to remember that trigger for the next time a problem like that arises.
With being family oriented your thoughts and feelings can be picked up by the rest of the family. If you are in the wrong state giving off the wrong vibes, you will see the family fall into that same state. If you are the alpha to the family, you having a bad day can lead the whole family into having a bad day. Is that something you want?
Here are attributes to look out for to having the perfect family-oriented vibes.
- Being in the right mindset
- Loving your family unconditionally
- Being vulnerable
- Being consistent
- Be true to yourself
If you are family oriented you want to be focused on your self just as much as you are focused on your family. This doesn’t seem to make sense at first but think of your life in airplane. Before takeoff they have the safety instruction right? When they talk about the oxygen mask they always say put yours on first before helping anyone else. That works the same in life. If you are perfect and settled you can help everyone else.
Find your happiness and if being family oriented makes you happy learn how to be the best at it. We don’t have a lot of time on this spinning rock but that is not what the focus is. The focus is to be happy with the time we have here on earth.
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