Relationship Intimacy

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Looking to be more intimate with your partner? Trying to bring that intimate spark back? Missing the pillow talk? What if it were as easy as finding a new way to talk? Relationship intimacy happens when you work at it. The more you and your partner work at it the more intimate your relationship will be.

Before we start we found this offer 500 Intimate questions for couples – We think the are on to something.

First we have to dive in to where the intimacy has gone. Relationship intimacy doesn’t just vanish into thin air there are reasons behind the loss of the intimacy. Here are 6 top reasons why intimacy has been lost

Lack of communication
Life got in the way
No more date nights
Kids sleep in your bed
Arguing
Self confidence

Relationship Intimacy is not only about sex. Intimacy is when you and your partner can open up your hearts and feelings to each other. When you can sit in silence cuddling letting your brain vibes get on the same page. Laying in bed without any clothes on and cuddling not with any expectations but just to get your oxytocin levels higher then they were. Sharing moments of intimacy while its just you and your partner together can boost your happiness and your energy.

How to become more intimate.

Instead of pointing fingers remember it always starts with yourself. You control you and only you. Relationship intimacy is when 2 people can vibe on the same brain waves. Take a deeper look into yourself. Are you giving off the vibes of love or are you rejecting those vibes subconsciously. We can pick up on vibes you do it all the time. If you are giving off the wrong vibes and physical triggers like dirty looks and an angry attitude your partner will pick up on those vibes and not want to spend that much time near you. Take a look at how you are expressing your love and maybe it all lies within you. This is a great opportunity to talk top an online counselor to see what is really going on with your mental health.
Talking to your partner about your need for intimacy. Remember to talk in unconditional love. That means you will take any answer your partner gives and still love them. That whole if you don’t love me then don’t cuddle me nonsense is for children. You are in an adult relationship act that way. Having good communication in your relationship is key to growing it stronger. Its the glue that keeps it together. If you are having trouble communicated maybe you and your partner should talk to an online counselor to learn how to communicate better.
Initiating the intimacy means setting the mood. Make the environment relaxing. Ahead of time let your partner know you want to have a night together where you can share your feelings. Presuade them into the night you have planned. Presuasion is when you plant an idea in someone’s head to get their expectations going. Its what salesmen use on you all the time. Planting a seed in your partners brain earlier in the day can lead to what you really want at the end of the day. Try a text message that says “I want to spend tonight with you talking about us while holding you in my arms and kissing you”. There is no way that can give off the wrong message. Take control of your relationship and don’t just be mad that your partner doesn’t understand you.
Find their love language and over use it. If you don’t know your love language or even worse your partners it is time to read about it. Giving and receiving love is different from person to person. If you don’t know how your partner shows you love then you might be getting the wrong signals and that can also lead to lack of intimacy in a relationship. If their love language is gifts and you need quality time of course there will be drama in your home. Here is the amazon link to the book. I suggest you read it NOW!!!!
Shower your partner with unconditional love, no conditions should ever be bought on how you show love. If they brighten up your day tell them. Leave notes around the house or in their car, or lunch. Nothing like finding a note from the person you love where you least expect it. I leave notes where I know my partner will least expect it and i always get a text that thanks me for the note. This is your partner they need to feel the love you have for them.
Lastly don’t fight dirty, stay on topic and accept apologies. If you argue which everyone will do remember you love that person don’t hurt their feelings. If you listen twice as much as you speak maybe you will find out that they are just stressed and it has nothing to do with your relationship. Also speak from your heart, you love your partner tell them how much they care and how your emotions are. Don’t argue and bring up the past, you have to stay on topic. This is just a disagreement not a war. Winners don’t win unless you can resolve the issue together. A relationship is a team no one wins or looses. Accepting apologies means you forgive the mistake and its over. It cant be brought up again. Once forgiven it is like it didn’t exist and you must remember that. If you need to learn how to argue seek a counselor to help you with this.

Spark up your relationship

When you are in a relationship your true self has to show. If you like certain things it has to be vocalized to your partner. You have already met their criteria in what they want in a relationship so showing them your different quirks will only make the relationship more interesting. Here is a quick example A fiend of mine found out his partner liked dressing up before getting intimate. He found this out a few months after he was in the committed relationship. He told me that he now found a new way of expressing his physical attraction by sending pictures of different outfits he liked. He never knew this can spark more intimacy in his relationship. Now they pick outfits together making it more sexual. Talk about an unknow spark in relationship intimacy.

Your partner isn’t a mind reader so make sure you share with them all the emotions you are having throughout the day. Intimacy has to be shared including all the ups and downs life has to offer. You will find the deeper the emotions go the more relationship intimacy grows. Having secrets in your relationship also spices things up. If you both know secrets about each other and you can keep them safe guarded and there is trust in the secrets a new part of the relationship opens up. Using those secrets as part of foreplay will also add spice.

This might seem confusing at first but here is an example. If your partner likes to be touched in a certain spot lets say behind her ear, you can use this as part of your touch when you are out in public. When you open the car door to help her out and you give her a gentle touch to her favorite part no one else will notice but i tell you she will. Simple gestures like that will add lust and persuasion to the mix. If you can pull this off all the time when in public life behind closed doors will be a lot spicier. Relationship intimacy has many layers including consistency.

What is Consistency in a relationship

Now you know what is not in the definition of consistency in a relationship. As you can see we can mix up the definition pretty easily if we don’t get a full understanding being in a relationship. Consistency in a relationship is built over time. Its:

Honesty – Being completely honest with your feelings and emotion. Expressing how you are feeling and what makes you happy or sad. Being vulnerable and honest with the person you love is invigorating. Knowing you have someone on your side you get to share the ups and downs with is a remarkable feeling. Sharing your honest feelings and emotions is a way to becoming vulnerable. The more vulnerable you are the more your partner will accept how you feel. If you don’t think you can open up totally to your partner you have to work on trust.
Trust – In a consistent relationship if you can trust your partner has your best interests in mind it can release a huge amount of pressure on you. If your partner goes out for the night and there is trust, there you wish for them to have a great time and let them enjoy the evening. If there isn’t trust, there the relationship doesn’t stand a chance. There will be questions made and believe it or not your mind will make up stories and choose sides even if those stories are the furthest from the truth. Trust is one of the most important pieces to being consistent in a relationship. Trust also lies in how vulnerable you can be. If you can trust your partner or likewise if your partner trusts you, you can open up with all your emotions and deepest thoughts. Imagine being able to share your inner most secrets and thoughts knowing that your partner will listen with an open mind and not use those thought against you. Telling your partner your deepest desires and knowing your partner will help you achieve them. That is why trust plays a huge part in consistency in a relationship.
Authenticity – When you are with your partner and the communication and emotions are real, they feel authentic. You feel safe, warm, and secure. This piece of being consistent is another key to a long-lasting relationship. When you are sharing feelings and emotions and they are authentic you are open to ideas and feelings yourself. You will be amazed how an authentic conversation with truth and loyalty can be one of the best feelings to have.
Loyalty – This is where the relationship turns into a team effort. In my relationship we work and act like a team. We pick up where the other person left off. We have each other’s back and work together to make our household as perfect as possible. We listen with our ears and not our mouths. We are empathetic and caring. We argue but only the topic of concern we don’t fight dirty to win the argument. We apologize with our heart and forgive with our souls. We are real to one another. We are loyal to our relationship.
Being present – This is the I’m here part of consistency in a relationship. This is the let me help you get up wherever you have stumbled. I will make sure if you are down, I will protect you until you can find your way back. If your partner had a bad day at work, ask them do you want my solution or just my ears to listen. Make sure whatever they answer you do that. If they need to vent be the ear they need, don’t judge, don’t solve the problem let them speak and embrace them when they are done. This act has stopped so many arguments in their tracks. I don’t try to solve the problem if they only want to vent.
Keeping your word – If you say you are going to do something, DO IT! If you dread going to their family’s house for a holiday, do it with an open heart and a smile. Your family has grown with this relationship, and you must go and be part of the family. That is the word you gave when you become a couple. We all don’t like everyone but find the good things that can come out of it. I found that common interests always make the family time more enjoyable. If the family likes to fish learn about fishing so you can enjoy a family moment together. If you promise to be at the kids soccer game GO! You gave your partner your word, be consistent in the relationship and keep your word.

We also recommend couples counseling. To have open communication in a relationship there is nothing to hide. Seeking a professional coach to help build up the relationship intimacy doesnt make your relationship bad. It helps build the lines of communication. With a professional helping the hurdles of being in a relationship decrease in size. We look at it as coaching more than therapy. Therapy leaves a bad taste in people mouths. In this day and age seeking help for any of your problems is the best way to face them. Head on together as a couple will build your relationship intimacy, trust me!

Another part of being in a relationship is educating yourself on how to handle the relationship. We believe education doesn’t stop after a formal education. You have so much to learn about life, relationships, and yourself. Ever try reading books about relationships like “the 5 love languages”? You will be amazed at how much you are missing without this knowledge. Reading or listening to 10 pages in a book a day can make you grow exponentially. Take a look at the offer below for a free trial to listen to these books we suggest.

Keep working at building yourself and your relationship and the intimacy part is bound to happen. I hope you enjoyed this article and if you are looking for more information click the link below to bring you to all the articles we have on mental health.

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