I have no sex drive and my husband is mad. Is your sex drive really to blame?
Why have you lost your sex drive? Is there stress in your life? Do you feel like you are the only one in this situation?
Picture when you first got into a relationship with your husband. Everything was great! You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, every kiss had passion behind it. You couldn’t wait to rip each others clothes off. Having the sex drive and yearning for intimacy shouldn’t be a thing for the past. If you want that back you are at the right place.
Take a look at what may have gotten you to this place in your relationship and find ways to fix it. There are links to counseling and products and services to help you get to where you want to be in your relationship.
Before you start reading this article remember you are not the only one with this problem. Life gets in the way and everything isn’t always perfect. This is just a small part of your wonderful life. Keep an open mind and I hope to help you through this situation. This is just a small blip on your radar!
Let’s start at the beginning of the problem you have no sex drive. Take a deep look into what is taking your sex drive away. This is when you must personally reflect on did you have a high sex drive earlier in your relationship and has it simmered down or did you always have a low libido. This is when you really dive deep into your own sexuality. Your partner has nothing to do with this inner soul searching. Finding the true person that you are, can make all the difference in this problem.
Table of contents to “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”
- 4 Major reason
- Consistency in your relationship
- Top 7 reasons you have lost your sex drive
- Why is my husband mad at me
- 5 ways to help your sex drive
- Remembering your earlier years
- Seriousness of your problem
- Other articles to help your relationship
4 major Reasons to fix your sexless marriage
- Arguing – Nothing can ruin a relationship than constant arguing. Remove the physicality from the relationship someone is going to be angry and arguments will ensue that is a guarantee
- Infidelity – If your husband isn’t getting his physical needs met at home chances are he is likely to find them somewhere else. The definition of infidelity varies from person to person. Seeking sexual pleasure of any kind from an outside source can equal that definition.
- Divorce – When you commit to someone for the rest of your life you commit to fulfill all the needs of your partner. If the physical need fades who knows what other needs aren’t being met. It can spiral real quickly
- Loss of the relationship – When you start losing your partner all that time and love you put into a relationship can disappear quickly. Resentment and anger can start showing their ugly faces. You don’t want that. It is completely opposite of why you got married in the first place.
Consistency in your relationship. Why is consistency so important?
I know all women say they want consistency in their relationship, I guarantee all men want it too. A relationship has to go both ways. You can give 100% of yourself and get 50% back that is not ideal. Here is what consistency in a relationship is.
Here are the top 7 reasons I have lost your sex drive
- Sex has become monotonous – Maybe to get your libido back you have to spice up your sex life. Has your sex life changed over the years you have been married? Did you used to play games and flirt throughout the day? Bring back that excitement into your sex life by dressing up or using toys. This can be a great way to find out what type of kinks your partner might have. We have found that having someone want you can jumpstart your libido
- Your husband isn’t attractive to you – This is the prime example of when someone lets themselves go. Maybe they gained weight or they aren’t taking care of themselves hygienically. This can be changed with a little effort from yourself. Talk to your husband using unconditional love and let him know how you feel. Ask him if he would like to change it and what can he do to change. Once he has an answer he owned that idea. Run with his suggestion. If he wants to work out, workout with him. The couples that sweat together stay together. Bring him with you to get pampered at the nail salon. Noting like and hour of being pampered that hasn’t changed your mood. If its his clothes take him out shopping and tell him what you like on him. This will kill 2 birds with 1 stone. He is dressing sharper and you are giving him a confidence boost.
- Date nights – Are you still going out on dates and spending alone time with each other? Are you still in the relationship that you started with. I bet you went out all the time but now you have a family and responsibilities. You and your husband have to find time for each other. Your relationship is the priority everything else comes second. Why? If you aren’t playing as a team your household can turn upside down in front of your eyes. Kids, pets, bills and chores get in the way of what you are really supposed to be doing. You are supposed to be happy and in love.
- Angry husband – If your husband keeps on getting rejected he will interpret that as an attack and will build up an anger towards you. This can be resolved with talking to a couples counselor about what might be on his mind. This communication is important since most men will bury their emotions deep down and not express their feelings. This bottled up anger will then pop up when there is a trigger and can lead to arguments that will hurt your marriage
- Always tired – There is tired and there is depression. It’s a thin line between both of these two and they identify as each other. IF you are always tired, first change your diet and exercise plane. Second check your sleep schedule. You cant go on less than 7 hours of sleep. 8 hours is what your target is but we all know that’s a hard target to hit. Also speak to a counselor to make sure you are not depressed. Depression can lead to physical harm to you as well.
- Your needs – Women and men both have sexual needs, its part of our genetics. In cases your needs haven’t been met sexually. Not all women reach orgasm the same and there might have to be some different activities done to reach your climax. This is actually the easiest one to fix. Just tell him what you want. Guide him through the process. Your husband will like the fact that you are enjoying yourself and if you find the right activities to fulfill your needs it becomes more enjoyable. Plus the next time he knows what to do.
- Hormone levels – As we get older our bodies change in ways you can’t see. Yes we can feel the ailments of older age but there are other things happening. Estrogen levels can start deteriorating as well. There is something called perimenopause which is when you are feeling the affects of menopause without being in menopause. Maybe you have no sex drive because your hormones are off.
If that isn’t one of your reasons it ok. There are many reason why you don’t have a sex drive. The focus of this article is to let you know that things change in your life in a blink of an eye. I experienced this with my tastes in food, one day I love cake the next day I have no desire. This can happen with your sex drive. In the statement I have no sex drive and my husband is mad the focus should be.
Now lets take a look at why my husband is mad at me. Men take being denied sex as a shot to their manhood. Why? Men are programmed that way. Most men have a love language of touch as their number one. This means they give and accept love through touch for instance. This isn’t always sexually but it can play a big part. While you are thinking about your sex drive earlier in your relationship how was your husbands sex drive?
There is also a potential for a communication issue with you and your husband. Being in a marriage means there are going to be some hard to do talks. These can be non-argumentative if you know how to communicate with each other. Talking out of unconditional love is the best way to talk. This means there are no conditions to this conversation. This also relates to everything in the relationship. One example of a condition is if you take out the garbage I will watch your show with you. There is a condition there. Clear as day!
Having no sex in a relationship can also lead to shame. Your husband has an ego and when he repeatedly gets rejected his ego will take a hit. If you have no sex drive there needs to be a conversation as to what can help the situation. We suggest you seek a counselor or therapist to help start the dialogue between you and your husband. This doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong it is a way to help the situation.
Here are the top 5 ways to help you with fixing your sex drive
- See a couples counselor – Opening up to a professional about the problems you are facing as a couple can benefit your relationship enormously. Seeking a counselor is the first step, how you and your husband go about using the counselor is another. Remember when you are talking to your counselor and your partner you have to become vulnerable. Opening up completely to your partner and the counselor is the only way therapy can work. Being open and honest and talking out of unconditional love is the best way to handle this small problem you are in. You can guide the conversation with the counselor and your husband. Make sure you have an agenda with your discussion points. Pay attention to pointing fingers. You don’t want to push blame to your partner. As a couple you are working on you together as a team. Expressing your feelings and worries is the only way to resolve the issues you might have. Starting an argument is no way to use a couples therapist. Setting up the proper framework with the help of a professional can change the dynamics of your relationship.
- Increase your knowledge of relationships – There are thousands of books talking about relationships. Do your research and learn how couples are supposed to love each other and communicate. Expressing love itself can be complicated on its own add miscommunication to the plate and it can turn into a mess. Through your reading and research you will find different roles men and women play in relationships. Emotions and feelings are also different when it comes to the opposite sexes. When you finally get a grasp of how to give and receive love it will open up a new view on being in a loving relationship
- Have that much needed deep conversation with your husband – Being completely open and honest with each other can make your relationship stronger. This conversation can be hard to deal with since there is some anger behind the actions from both parties. This is where being vulnerable and speaking out of unconditional love plays a huge part. Talk calmly about your feelings and make sure not to point any blame at your partner. Listen out of understanding and compassion. Listen before you speak and make sure you don’t have a thought processing before your partner finishes speaking. Let the conversation be thought about, listen with your heart not with your ego.
- Seek a personal therapist – You have to do a self evaluation of yourself to see why I have no sex drive and my husband is mad. With the help of a professional you can do a deep dive into what is making your sex drive so low. There may be other feelings that you have covered up in your life that need to be dealt with and brought to closure. Having an honest talk with a therapist or counselor can be enlightening and can change your life like you never thought before. Make sure you go into the session with an open mind, be completely vulnerable. This is a big step to helping yourself treat it that way. Also read this article on reasons to see a therapist.
Remember times have changed since we were younger seeking a therapists help is not a bad thing anymore. When i was growing up it was frowned upon. Now it is just as important as going for your yearly checkup. Your brain controls everything that happens in your body. A brain under stress and problems will hurt the body and will have side affects that you cant even imagine. Having a little stress can affect you, so go seek a therapists help to get your mind back in order.
Having no sex drive and my husband is mad is most likely an internal problem you are facing. Make sure you use meditation and daily journaling as a tool to really do a deep dive into your feelings. There is so much that can be uncovered when you look deep into your subconscious and your feelings. We have found opening communication with a therapist and having them guide you through this mediation process can help you discover what is lurking underneath your feelings of intimacy.
When you and your husband first got married you became a team. With all the hurdles you 2 have faced in life so far this hurdle can be easy to get over. Find ways to talk to each other about your feelings and emotions. To be vulnerable at this time in need is a must. Remember not to take any part of this conversation personally. He is battling his own feelings at the moment as well. These are the hard conversations that have to happen to fall back in live with each other.
Keep in mind your husband is not just a fling, he committed his life to you. He promised until death to take care of you and be with you for the remaining days he can take a breathe on this earth. You have to get to the bottom of this problem and fix it, not just for him but for you. You also committed the rest of your life to him. Take the next step and fix this problem. Talk to a counselor, read a book, deep dive into your soul to find out what you can do.
How serious can having no sex drive be?
“For both of these couples, the partner with higher sex drive may feel that the rejection of their sexuality means that the partner doesn’t love them, won’t go out of their comfort zone for the sake of the relationship, or finds them disgusting. Whatever their innate and personal triggers are — whether this is insecurity about lovability, body image concerns, sensitivity to rejection, or anything else — the lack of sex will exacerbate them.” Dr. Samantha Rodman www.talkspace.com website, accessed 29 September 2022,
My sexless marriage is killing me.
As we discussed earlier there could be a number of reasons why you have lost your sex drive. It can be anywhere from stress to bad thyroids. One suggestion that was always brought to our attention was masturbation. If you have stopped it is time to start that up again. Seeking sexual fantasies in your mind can start up your libido real quickly.
When you have started masturbating and you feel the urge it is a good time to then invite your husband to join you. I bet you he will be ready to go in seconds. As a result Introducing toys into the bedroom when you get into the mood. If the toy feels perfect for you even thinking about that toy when you go to hide it again in the drawer will sometimes put you back into the mood.
When you committed to marriage you and your husband committed to only having sex with one another for the rest of your life. You have to do whatever it takes to get that sex drive back or my sexless marriage is killing me.
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”
Here are some other articles that may help you with I have no sex drive and my husband is mad: