Co parenting counseling – 7 steps to get through this hard time of 2 separate households
A single parent home isn’t as uncommon as it used to be. With divorce and separation rates higher then they ever were co parenting has become pretty much the ne normal. You are not alone if you are reading this. There are tons of 1 parent households in this world. The biggest struggle you face is how to co parent. You might find this writing harsh but we are talking about your children not a turtle.
What is your biggest struggle co parenting? Take the quiz to see what options are best for you
Partner not cooperating 
Children are depressed
Not enough time To much finger pointing
When you decided to have children you never thought you would be in this situation of co parenting. Trust me this wasn’t the plan for a lot of couples, but it happens. Let’s focus on the next step for you. Your children need to grow up in a stable household still. This is the job of both parents. You have to make sure you are both on the same page while raising your kids. This is an easier task then it seems. All it takes is open conversation. Putting your ego aside and even if you are fighting over money and property it isn’t fair to your children to have them involved in these battles.
Setting your ego aside and looking for the best environment for your children should be your main focus. I know one parent is always worse then the other, depending on who you ask. It’s time to be adults and get your priorities straight. It’s now about your children and making sure they have the right tools to be successful as they grow into the adults you want them to be.
We have put together a 7 step program to follow to make sure you are the most successful parents you can be. Some of these steps seem simple, most parents don’t follow these steps and it leads to heartbreak, anger and even resentment.
- Seek a co parenting counselor – In this new age having an open, honest and unbiased person to guide the family towards success in co parenting can be the best tool you ever utilize. Having an open and honest forum where feelings from your children to you, their parents can help solve a ton of bad emotions being buried by the children. Imagine if they can discuss what they are going through and the problems they are facing while you, the parents are going through your own problems. You will find that a lot of your problems will align with your children’s problems and you then can have a place to discuss these feelings. There are also some points in which the children will be sad and think their great life as they know it will end. With this information you can make sure their lives don’t change even though their parents aren’t together anymore. If you know exactly how each member of the team is feeling you can make sure the transition to co parenting can be smooth and with the least emotional damage as necessary
- Stop pointing fingers – If you point at someone to blame look at your hand next time. AS you can see 1 finger is pointing in the direction you blame, but three are pointing back at you. What does that mean? It means that if you want to resolve the problems you are facing co parenting you have to look to yourself and no one else to help the situation. Yes there are outside forces that pull you in one direction or the other, but you have to start working on the problems yourself. The faster you understand that you are responsible for the situation you are in the faster you can start coming up with ways to fix the problems. If you are stuck in the blame game your mind will stay on that topic and look for other reasons to point your finger at other sources. If you are looking for resolution and answers follow the fingers that point at you. Co parenting can be tough, however if you set yourself up right it can be easier than you think.
- Research scenarios – With the internet and amazon you can find a huge selection of research materials to help you with co parenting. It is up to you to absorb the information and use what works best for your situation. Reading 10 pages of a book to help you instead of watching tv for 15 minutes can help you quicker than you expect. I am not saying use everything from each source you get, but take into consideration different techniques to help with your families situation. Remember that co parenting is about the children you are raising to live in the real world. As parents you want them to have a better life then you did and it all starts with you. Squeeze as much knowledge out of your resources as possible to make your children’s lives as great as they can be. Before you know it they are off to collage or out on their own. Take the time now to get the co parenting household set up right so you can enjoy the younger years together.
- Don’t miss big events – Your children will be challenged ins sports and education, your job as a co parent is not to miss any events that have importance to your children. It can be as small as a school play, or as big as a sports playoff. Make sure you show up for them whenever they need you. Just because your relationship with your partner didn’t work out it is NOT fair to your children to have them worry if you will be there or not. This is a hard thing to do since you have to tuck your ego away in your pocket, understand you are there for your children not your ex partner. This is co parenting no lets fight on the soccer field. Cherish the times you can share with your children and still be the best parent you can be regardless of the circumstances.
- Don’t cancel plans – Only if there is a emergency is it accepted that you cancel plans with your kids. They look forward to seeing you and feeling the love you have to give them. We have all had that one time you were stood up on a date or by a friend, imagine it being from your parent. The person who brought you into this world, let you down, made you feel that emptiness inside your heart. I get it what you are going through is tough but your children are involved. Co Parent as if you were still together. Make your children still feel the love you have for them. Yeah it will be tough to see the other person that was part of your life but don’t be that crappy parent that breaks plans all the time, that is just stupid.
- Don’t play the ex off of the children – Your children believe everything you say. If all you do is talk bad about the other parent that will create an opinion in your child mind. That is 100% unfair to your children. They love unconditionally keep it that way. I was brought up if you don’t have anything nice to say keep your mouth shut. This should apply to your co parenting as well. I say do the opposite talk the other parent up as much as you can. This will make the children feel more special that their parents are both amazing people. If you create a false opinion ion your Childs mind about the other parent the children can possibly miss out on someone that is really special in their lives. Of course situations you face it will be hard to keep this up, just keep your mouth shut and find another way to release the stress. Maybe try step 1 for yourself and seek a counselor.
- Remain their parents – Most relationships that are ending there will be a sense of guilt. This guilt can then be used as a weapon towards the children. When a parent feels guilty they will relinquish their duties as the parent and try to become their friend instead. I am not saying to have a closed relationship with your children, but the children still need parents to guide them on their journey to adulthood. Your children still need to be taught right from wrong and how to think for themselves. You as their parent need to guide them through this process. The more lenient you are with your kids in this time the more they will want this in the future. Yes you can spoil them once in a while but not all the time. They will still need to do their school work and chores. Being a co parent is a big responsibility make sure you raise your kids right. There is a saying raise your kids spoil your grandkids, spoil your kids raise your grandkids.
We believe if you seek a family counselor while going through this tough time in your life will not only benefit you, your children will find a path to acceptance. With the right guidance this new modern family can work in harmony and be more fruitful then you think. We have some links below to help find the right counselor for you. They are FREE to look at.
We wish you the best!!
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