How to deal with commitment issues. Can it be Philophobia?

Picture holding hands with your partner, having all your days off planned together and ready for new adventure. You have no worries being in a large group of people being vulnerable and open with your thoughts and feelings. If this something you would like? Does this sound like the perfect future for you? Overcome your commitment issues.

In this article we will go over what brings on commitment issues:

1. 2 parts of commitment issues
2. Signs to look for
3. Early childhood
4. Did your past give you current commitment issues
5. 5 steps to overcome commitment issues
6. Philophobia
7. How to deal with someone with commitment issues
8. Other helpful articles

Dealing with commitment issues has 2 parts. The person with the issue at hand and the person dealing with the person with the issue. There are a few areas that need to be focused on:

1. Where do the issues stem from?
2. How to help resolve the issues
3. Who to talk to about having a future without commitment issues?
4. Personal therapy

For the person dealing with commitment issues, it is time to take a deep dive into why you are having these issues. Where do they stem from? Starting from the beginning was it a past relationship that sparked this commitment issue? It doesn’t always have to be a romantic relationship that started this downward turn.

There are many signs to look for to tell if a person or you have commitment issues. Here are the top 7 signs

1. They tend to avoid relationships. This is not only on a romantically this has to do with any relationships. If there is any commitment issue it has to do on a level of trust. The closer people get the more trust takes a part. If there is an issue the person will not let the relationship get to that level
2. Discussing the future. Someone who doesn’t discuss the future with other parties is usually cutting themselves off from any emotions with a fear their hopes and dreams might be shot down. The more they keep these ideas to themselves the more comfortable they feel with their stress and anxiety.
3. Questioning their social network. This is when the person feels like they have to question why and how their acquaintances are around them. They look for any reason to get out of the situation as to not share any of their personal attributes. These ae the people that seem like they are leaving early or seem antsy when personal topics show up during conversation
4. Avoid any plans. We have all met that person who always has a reason as to why they cannot make any plans or set a date to go out and enjoy an adventure. We used to call them the party poopers but that was before I knew that there really was such a thing as commitment issues. We went out to celebrate birthdays and see concerts and there was that one person who always had a reason they couldn’t make it
5. No Attachment. An example is a person who when you ask about how their love life is going will never give an ounce of information. Its a vague answer like its going or not to bad. For them revealing any attachment to a relationship or a person will show them being vulnerable
6. Minimal close friends. We all have those great friends we spend as much time with as possible but there are a few people who are more to themselves. Barely going out into the world with anyone around them. They feel more empowered on their own and committing to certain people seems like more of a hassle then pleasure.
7. Always feel trapped. Not in a box but in situations or in a social atmosphere. Known for their Irish goodbyes these are the people who have left without saying goodbye. When confronted they will say things like I was tired, and I didn’t want to bother you when I was leaving.

Now that you know the top signs of someone who has commitment issues do you seem to have any of these attributes? Do you know where it stemmed from? Having commitment issues is socially acceptable but it’s not healthy for you.

Building relationships with people either friends or lovers is a part of human evolution. Being with people who are like minded is a way we grow as a person. Its where we get our influences from and where we create ideas together. Humans are a community species. You might be missing out on some of life’s greatest experiences. If you feel like you are having commitment issues talk to a professional about your problems and they can help you dig deep into your mind to find where these stem from. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Think of it as going to the doctor for a checkup but instead of your physical it’s for your mental

Early Childhood

Let’s start with your childhood. These are the times where we build the person, we are to become by agreeing or not agreeing with what was taught to us. Seems odd that a few agreements in an early age can really affect the way you are, let me break it down for you.

Say there is a child who absolutely loves to draw. The more this child draws the more the skills are honed and their love for art starts to play a part in their mind. Enter this Childs parents and one day the father had a crappy day at work. Stress was wearing him down for the day and now it was time for him to come home. The child wanted to draw but the only paper around was yesterday’s mail The child takes one of the bills that needed to be paid and draws a lovely picture.

The father yells at the child with his stress being pressed all into the Childs shoulders. The father says why don’t you just stop drawing it is terrible anyway. At this moment the child agrees with the father and just like that art leaves the mind of the child never to pursue what they once loved. Seems cold right? It happens all the time. People agree with what they have been told and will completely change who they turn out to be.

How Did the past give you current Commitment issues?

In your past were there any moments that you have agreed with where having a relationship or words of advice changed your trajectory. I was told by my old office colleagues don’t get married it’s the worst decision they ever made. I agreed and always spent my time dating but avoiding the serious relationships. the only choice was I had to change that agreement to go out and find a meaningful relationship.

This doesn’t happen right away, the changing of my agreement. This took a lot of time. When you agree to an idea you then take ownership of it. Once it’s a possession you protect it at all costs until you decide to change that agreement. That is where the fight begins.

So far thinking about your past can you see where commitment issues stem from? There is more to having an issue than your youth it can also be from a terrible adult life experience. I have met and I bet you have too many people who have traumatic relationship stories. It seems like people want to tell you the bad more than the good. Right? Through all these stories you will either agree or disagree with their point of view. This can start the commitment issues roller coaster where you then want to cut yourself off blocking yourself from the pain they experienced.

It can also be a person experience that shapes your views on commitment. We have all had relationships where something goes horribly wrong, like they lost feelings, cheated, or there was an even split. You then said to yourself I don’t want to feel this hurt anymore so you decide to never put yourself in a situation like that again. I have done, it’s not abnormal.

Commitment issues can also stem from experiences you witnessed in your life without anyone talking to you about it. Maybe there was a father or mother that cheated, and you saw the repercussions that happened from that terrible decision. Those horrible feelings might have put up that wall you have up now. There are other examples when there was a terrible divorce in your family or maybe a close friend’s family and you saw how that divorce absolutely crushed the family environment. It can also be as small as your friend always standing you up when you made plans.

This is what has shaped your commitment issues that you are facing now. If you really feel like you need to change your mindset and you are ready to get out there and build positive strong relationships, it’s going to take some work.

Here are 5 steps you need to overcome your commitment issues.

1. Talk to a professional therapist. You know there have to be some underlying issues that need to be talked about and overcome but exactly how do you start the process. That is where a therapist comes into play. Let’s reword therapy and call it life coaching. All star athletes and celebrities have coaches in their lives why don’t you have a life coach. The one person that wants you to become great. They will help guide you through your ups and downs and get you the life you really want.

Do you think Jordan would have been as great of a ball player unless he was coached by great ball players? Think about your mind being a complete team. Offense, defense, goalie, scorer.             Everything. You need to get a coach so you can review your good and bad, make the necessary changes and strive to be the best.

2. Recognize your shortfalls. You must do a deep dive into your mind and see what areas you are lacking, and the areas you are great in. This is tough when you have to analyze who you are but it needs to be done. Grab a notebook, a quiet place and start writing down what you are and are not. Here are a few to start to jog your inner you. Am I afraid of anything, do I have any expectations I need filled, Am I open with my communication, am I vulnerable, what is my biggest fear when it comes to a relationship, do I protect myself from any emotional danger leading to becoming introverted?
3. Do your homework. This is about making a better you, not disguising who you are. You want the perfect relationships you are going to have to put in the work. Talk to your life coach and get a bunch of books about commitment issues and other relationship books. Instead of watching that crappy tv show that gives you no value read for 10 minutes. Read with a pen or a highlighter and write all over the book. When you are done with a chapter write your notes and really think about what you have read.
4. Start making new agreements with yourself. Start changing your old thoughts and attitudes and replace them with new thoughts. This will take time since you have to rebuild what is already in your established pattern. Take notice of when your old ideas show up and make the conscious change. This is where you will start changing your commitment issues pattern.
5. Start trying to reach out to the people that were a positive influence in your life. We all have those few friends that were always there for you. It’s time for you to make the effort and build that relationship with them. Start this process slow maybe pick 2 top friends. Call them, text them, send them an email. Start the process and open up a little more than usual. Do this gradually and get comfortable with being a friend. Work your way up a few more when you feel time is right.

Philophobia – By definition Philophobia is fear of emotional attachment. This is referring to all aspects of attachment. To have philophobia means you don’t want to have any attachment to anyone. Whether it being a partner or a friend.

Philophobia can also refer to fear of being or falling in love. This is hard to digest. To be a person who shy’s away from love or being love in a bad place to be. Humans naturally share their love with each other, whether it being with one of the 5 love languages or with their full heart and vulnerability.

Risks when people suffer from Philophobia

• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Anxiety

There are ways to help with Philophobia

• Seek out professional help using a therapist or a counselor
• Hypnotherapy
• Self cure using journaling and reading books about the issue.

How to deal with someone who has commitment issues.

Most people with commitment issues will not come right out and say it. You have to look at their behavior and make a judgement call. I know this isn’t fair, but this is life. This can be a friend or a love interest, either way you must realize what you are dealing with before you can take the right action.

I get it is not your problem. Well, what if you see more benefits to having that person in your life than negative factors? You will have to go through a deep dive into yourself just to see how to get through to this person. The first step is to not take anything that happens personally. This person has their issues they have nothing to do with you.

From the person dealing with the person with commitment issues there are several ways to handle the situation

1. Give the person space – The person who has commitment issues will have the tendency to avoid anything other than light conversation and will not want to make any future plans at the moment. Giving them space and being patient will help build the trust they need. There isn’t a timeline on this process.
2. Show them trust – As simple as this might sound not many people with commitment issues can trust a person right out of the gate. This takes time. You don’t know what the underlying issue is and you will not find out if you rush things. Be present, be consistent and your trust will soon be earned.
3. Deep conversations – When they finally open up listen to that person with an open heart and mind. Make sure they know you love them unconditionally. Don’t take anything they say personally. Follow the guide to the 4 agreements. This will allow the conversation to go deeper, and you can then start to understand why they have these issues. Sometimes you just need to be the ear they pull on. Your opinion is not what they are looking for. They are telling you how to get closer to them so listen with your heart.
4. Therapy – We also call therapy life coaching. This is where you can talk to your life coach about the situation. They will help you devise a plan and teach you how to read the situation. This is also a great situation to express your feeling sand opinions. A nonjudgmental therapist will listen while you release all your tension and opinions instead of pushing the person with commitment issues away. If you are in a relationship maybe have a sit down as a couple and have the therapist talk you through your experiences. Remember do not take anything personally and love everything about the situation unconditionally.
5. Self care – This is the homework phase for you. Do your research and read books and articles. This will help you understand the situation you are in. The more information you can gather the easier it is to see triggers that will pique your interest. I am not saying you should remember everything but with enough research you can create your own guide into this relationship and to yourself. Maybe you are showing signs that might trigger their commitment issues. If that past statement doesn’t make any sense that is why you need to read about it.
6. Be honest – Being vulnerable with your feelings if you are honest can shed some light on the relationship. If you love a person either a friend or a deeper connection do not hesitate to tell this person. Your actions will also prove your love as well. In this day and age people aren’t expressing their actual feelings. They hide them or bury them. This is not part of being vulnerable. This is not who we are. Don’t be scared someone can hurt you when you express your feelings. This is the same thing someone with commitment issues is going through.

There are different ways to select a therapist the articles below will help with research
Couples therapy cost with options and plans – Currently, the world experiences skyrocketing conflicts between many spouses and partners. Many factors have triggered the magnification of these conflicts, especially during the pandemic period. For instance, the key stressors are chronic diseases, job loss, untrustworthiness, financial pressures, or the social distance between partners.
13 reasons to see a therapist counselor – Mental health should be treated like a physical check up from a doctor. Is there any relation to these 13 reasons. The biggest part of a therapist is to talk about problems open and candidly.
10 signs to see a couples counselor – In any relationship, there are challenges, trials, and different problems along the way, especially for couples. There is no perfect marriage as well as there are no perfect couples. Each couple has its struggles, strengths, and weaknesses
Couples therapy vs marriage counseling – Therapy and counseling are the same or are they? At what point should counseling or therapy be part of the relationship

Interested in other articles to help with any other mental, relationship or situation problems?
Couples Goals – How to set short, medium and long term goals with your partner. This article also dabbles in opening communication lines.
Passionate Sex – Unlocking the true potential to having completely orgasmic sex
I have no sex drive and its ruining my relationship – A deep dive into a sexless relationship and techniques on how to overcome this obstacle.
I hate life – Is life really as bad as it seems or is there just more hurdles in the way. We take a look at some long term fixes.
Relationship intimacy – What is real intimacy? Find out what your partner really craves
Severe stress – Stress isn’t only mentally damaging. Severe stress can cause huge health problems down the line.
Moderate stress -Easier to deal with on the stress meter but there are some underlying issues that need to be uncovered.
Mild stress – Easiest on the stress meter. A few tweaks and mild stress can be a thing of the past.
Co Parenting Counseling – A look into a separated marriage and how to raise the children in a 2 house household.
Can stress cause diarrhea– Stress can lead to physical health problems take a look into the symptoms of stress and find the answers.
Can stress cause nosebleeds -Stress can lead to physical health problems take a look into the symptoms of stress and find the answers.
Consistency in a relationship What is consistency. Many partners in a relationship ask for consistency. How hard is it.
Spiraling – Ever feel like everything is going wrong? Feel like its out of control? Can a few minor adjustments cure the feeling of spiraling?
Relationship PTSD – Can bad relationships from the past ruin relationships in the future? There sure can. Take a deep look into what can be done to overcome relationship stress.